> Unsubscribe from LinkedIn
> Delete email account
> Sell house, live in woods
> Find bottle in river
> Has note inside
> It's from LinkedIn

Unix will give you enough rope to shoot yourself in the foot. If you didn’t think rope would do that, you should have read the man page.

Debugging is like being the detective in a crime movie where you are also the murderer.

One more auth system that will give you nightmares...

This JavaScript code powers a 1,500 user intranet application.

The longer you look at it the more insane it gets.

Interviewer: What's your biggest strength?

Me: I'm an expert in machine learning.

Interviewer: What's 9 + 10?

Me: Its 3.

Interviewer: Not even close. It's 19.

Me: It's 16.

Interviewer: Wrong. Its still 19.

Me: It's 18.

Interviewer: No, it's 19.

Me: it's 19.

Interviewer: You're hired!

Human: What do we want!?

Computer: Natural language processing!

Human: When do we want it!?

Computer: When do we want what?

Big Data is like teenage sex:

- Everyone talks about it.
- Nobody really knows how to do it.
- Everyone thinks everyone else is doing it.
- So everyone claims they're doing it.

#tech #programming

Boss: we need a new user management system! Me: